“I want to be a Christian example to my family and friends, but sometimes it’s so hard to be a good one.” Ever find yourself thinking this? What's the answer?
The truth is we are not supposed to be an example. Our family and friends do not need a good example, they need a friend. A real one. An honest one. A touchable one. They need a friend who does not think they are better than everyone, but one who knows they are not. They need a friend who knows they need Jesus.
So what about being a leader and setting the example? Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that what our church leaders, teachers and brothers and sisters in the faith tell us all the time?
The more I think about it, the more I believe this well-meaning statement is not only an incorrect way to teach us to try to control our behavior, but it is also dangerous to our spiritual health. When we are told to try to be an example for others, we may as well just put on a mask right there – Here. Hide behind this. Don’t let anyone ever see you struggle. Don't let anyone ever think you don't have it all together.
I know that’s not what they mean. I know. But it doesn’t matter so much what they mean, it matters more what we hear and take from it.
When we hear our spiritual leaders, teachers, mentors and well-meaning brothers and sisters in the faith tell us that we should always try to be an example, most of us think that means we can never mess up, can never have problems, can never just be a person that struggles like everyone else. Eventually, we mature in our faith as men and women who believe being a Christian means having it all together, saying all the “right” things, staying a few steps ahead of everyone else.
We may even become a person that people look up to, but we will never be someone that others feel they can really relate to. We may be successful at managing our own behavior, but we will always struggle to manage people’s opinions of us. We may have a great reputation, but our character will be clouded with unforgiveness, doubt, anxiety, bitterness and even resentment. We may be a good church-goer, but we will not know how to be a good leader or even a good friend. This striving towards perfection, towards personal excellence may keep us out of trouble, but it will suffocate our soul.
But what about holiness?! I can hear the protests now. Don’t we want to be a light in a dark place? Yes, of course! But always striving to be an example won’t let us shine, it will just cause us to shrink from the possibilty of negative attention, of being found out, of failing to meet up to the expectations of others and ourselves.
We are already a light in a dark place! But here is the most important part most of us forget when we’re telling each other to be an example: Our light comes from Jesus, not from our own awesome behavior!
Do you believe Christ himself has taken up residence within you? Do you trust him with your life – your decisions, your emotions, your relationships? Do you truly believe that he goes with you wherever you go? If so, then instead of telling each other to be an example, how about encouraging each other to be yourselves?
When we are hurt, we can deeply feel it. When we mess up, we can and will own it. When we hurt or wrong someone else, we can admit it and apologize. When we have doubts, we can voice them. And when we are joyful, it will be from a real place inside of us, not a manufactured mask that we put on to impress others.
We will be authentic allowing Christ to do his work in us and through us. It is Christ that sanctifies us and makes us holy or "whole" as the word holy means. All we are expected to do is to follow and abide in or live with him each and every day. We are to clothe ourselves, in his righteousness, not our own which is as filthy rags to God. That means to be like him, learn about him, and make him the most important part of your life. If we do that, then Jesus Christ will be the One that gets all the glory and all the praise for our light shining to the world, not our own selfish, prideful weak attempts at good works to make ourselves look good.
So, we really need to encourage each other to leave our masks behind. We need to create a loving, friendly environment around us that lets people feel safe to be who they genuinely are without judgment.
We need to trust in God and remember that Christ lives in each one of us. Each of us has been given everything we need that pertains to life and godliness. Each of us already has the full measure of faith and grace we've been generously granted.
So please, let's stop telling each other and expecting each other to be this perfect Christian example to the world. Let's give each other the freedom that Jesus paid for on the cross with his life, to be the best that he is growing us to be – a peculiar yet love-filled people who have the living Christ living inside each and every one. We are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, and it is HE that is the Example and Savior of the world!
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