FEAR CAN BE OUR FRIEND

I have always lived too much in my head.  Always observing, analyzing, and earnestly trying to deduce some of life’s mysteries.  All laborious endeavors exerted in the hopes of gaining some secret visionary perspective; a new knowledge of a person, a situation, a circumstance in order to strategically plot my next move.  To always be one step ahead.  For what purpose does this desperate striving serve?  To alleviate the possibility of as much pain from my life as possible.

Most people choose to escape the pain or bypass it altogether, not I.  I will face it, but only while being armed with as many weapons as I can haul into my arsenal.  As if being prepared for what is to come will lessen the harsh realities of the experience at all.

I fear all it has done is deluded me to the fact that my efforts have been in vain.

Wisdom is an expensive treasure bought with the price of our youthful naivite.  When we are young it seems that boundaries of life are quite limitless and yet reachable at the same time.  All is possible and contained within the extent of our reach.  Our thinking is primarily focused on the here and now, living life in utter spontaneity and joyful impetuousness.  These traits seem quite foolish to our older, wiser selves.  But are they?

The older and more experienced we become with life and all of its surprises seems to bring about a shift in perspective.  We begin to think ahead more, looking towards the future we plan our next moves quite carefully.  Long gone are the impassioned impulses that drove our youthful imaginations.  But is this wisdom that has taught us to behave this way or the fear of living life to its fullest due to the beatings we’ve suffered from past foolish mistakes? 

With life experience, first comes maturity followed by wisdom gained and with it comes the clarity of seeing everything from a perspective of the existence of possible future consequence.


So to follow this logic, is it safe to say that wisdom is gained through the brutality of living through the foolishness of day-to-day existence?  It is the dog that flinches at his raised master’s hand or the athlete that warms up before the game.  It is not that we prefer to live a life of fear, but it is a trade off of values.  What was the end-all-be-all of existence before, our immediate satisfaction, no longer holds with it the same appeal as before.  First, see if the train is coming before stepping out on to the tracks.  If we miss this train, we now understand that the chances of another one coming along are very good.

So as we get older, it is not that we forget the excitement of living in the moment, all or nothing or that our lives becomes so filled with fear or that we lose our nerve to take any more risks either.  It is the fact that life has taught us to compromise, to wait and to consider all things before making a decision.  Life teaches us to value the things that will last longer and require the least amount of pain.  Something that looks good today may be something we don’t quite feel the same about tomorrow.  We begin to carefully choose our battles.


Even as we grow older, we must always remember that there still exists the possibility for risk and to reach for the impossible.  We don’t have to give up our hope or our dreams, they are still attainable, yet with our newfound wisdom we are instructed to be more selective with what we choose to gamble it all on.

What truth does the bible give us about wisdom?  The bible says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."  Perhaps that is what this fear is, this new kind of matured understanding of how the world works, this broader perspective and deeper insight that we know we should be living our lives right in the God's sight. 

Jesus said, "So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Today has enough trouble of its own."  And, "And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life?"  Living in the here and now is, living life without our fear, without the care or worry of what happens tomorrow. 

The bible also says in Jeremiah 17:7, "My blessing is on those people who trust in me, who put their confidence in me."  Trusting the fact that we know God is in control of it all and we are living our lives right in His eyes is living in the present mindset and living life without any fear of risking everything on today because we know tomorrow is in His hands and we know it will turn out alright.

I'M GIVING YOU THE BEST OF ME

Isn't the spontaneity of time one of the most interesting surprises and pleasures that life has to offer?  Just when we seemingly come to the end of road, just before giving up on the idea that good things can happen still and take us completely off guard, it happens.

I have to admit that for most of my life I have been a hopeFUL romantic, never hopeless.  We are a rare breed these days, once having populated every corner of the country with blushing, batting eyed beauties fainting at the mere touch of the dashing young man lifting us to our feet and leading us out onto the dance floor for the heart-pounding romantic slow dance.
 
I've often wondered whatever happened to that innocent expectation for romance from the opposite sex?  What has happened to the dream of a true love blossoming between two people, one that is gentle and pure and uplifting in a way that that nothing else compares to it?   I think most of us have endured such selfish heartbreak that we simply stop putting our hearts out there risking yet again possible pain. 

We try on our lovers like winter coats on the clearance rack in summer or we walk around kicking their tires and giving them a test drive like the price slashed car on so many used car lots.  People shouldn't be tried on or used for a while until we grow tired of them and want the next new toy.  People have hearts and minds and dreams and desires and souls, all quite fragile and exposed when it comes to opening up and trying to trust the person we have feelings for.

It is all worth it, really.  The pain we endure through all of those heartbreaks.  To not give into fear and refuse to hope or trust again, but to tough it out, cry it out, let the wounds heal and scar back over.  How resilient the human heart can be.

I am so grateful for each one that I have loved.  Each one has taught me more about what it is I do truly want from a mate and what it is that I wish to change about myself.  It isn't at all about what we can get from them or what they can do for us.  The truest of motives behind love is self-sacrificing.  Not merely wishing to be with them, but knowing in our hearts that if we are not with them, we will no longer be whole.

I feel that love again, God has blessed me to feel that surge of excited bliss.  The comfort of knowing you are cared for so deeply by that one person out there that not only knows you well, but wants to know you more.  We all want that, to be understood or to be truly seen and heard by at least one person is a wonderful thing.  For it to happen when you weren't looking or paying attention, but at the precise moment you feel you've finally gotten yourself really together so you can offer that other person the very best of yourself that you have to offer...well that is even better than the young love I've felt before.

He makes me feel feminine and beautiful, intelligent and desirable.  I have someone that cares if I make it home from work every day and is upset when I am upset, sad when I am sad.  I have someone that I can share my work stories with and to tell my corny jokes too and he still loves me in spite of that torture.  I have someone that encourages me to better myself while at the same time thinks that I am perfect just the way I am.  It is acceptance, belonging, unconditional love and it is wonderful.

I feel like I am a better version of myself than before.  Not only am I open to receive more love, but I am also open to give more love because of the abundance I feel.  I feel closer to my God and my family and at the same time so full of courage and confidence that I am at long last willing to take those risks that I have been too fearful to try before. 

Life seems to glow for me right now, every dawn and every setting of sun seems to hold within it endless possibilities and innumerable moments of such joy I cannot help but to laugh all of the time, smile all of the time, and want to spread that goodness everywhere I go.  All because I am accepted, understood, desired, valued and respected by another and I feel the same for him as well.

Why has it worked out for the two of us right now and not before or with other people?  I have learned to quote the famous poet, "Ours is not to question why, ours is but to do or to die."  It is because it is.  I am not going to waste any time analyzing it or explaining it or justifying it to anyone else.  I am just going to enjoy it and give it the best I have to give.

It took 40 years for me to finally find that special someone that sees the me that no one else can see.  And I married him and am going to love him for it for the rest of my life.

JUNK FOOD BLOGGING

I was looking around on the internet today, especially at the most popular blogs to see if there were any out there that interested me to subscribe to.  Oh my goodness!  No, that is not a happy "oh my goodness" it is more of one trying to communicate my feelings of annoyance, frustration, shock and dismay.

What has happened to the opinions of people nowadays?  Doesn't anyone have anything worth talking about anymore? 

It really disturbed me to read such trash, so much bad advice about sex, so much sarcastic scandalous hype, people living only to insult others while all the time exalting themselves and their own opinions, or people pushing off their preposterous opinions of scientific THEORY (oh yes you Evolutionists, Darwinism was merely only a theory because there was never enough facts to elevate it to a Scientific Proof, one of which your beloved hero recanted before his death) as fact to an unsuspecting, naive public.  I even encountered some faith-based blogging, which I will admit was relieved to read and even momentarily subscribed to....momentarily being the key word there.  Even that was radical and extreme, I got a nose bleed just trying to climb up amongst the lofty opinions they have of themselves and their obvious works-based theologies.  Come on now, where is your humility?  Some people are so proud of their humility it seems. How is your "ministry blog" actually ministering to the needs of others and giving glory to God?

The people that are in love with themselves and the sound of their own keyboards clicking do have it all wrong.  Who do you know...seriously now think about this...who do you know that is worthy of such worship?  To me, everyone on God's green earth (and it does still belong to Him, He will not let us kill it off or take it away from Him or divert His plans for it) is not worthy of such devotion and fanship.  Are we really that hard up for idols to adore?  Pa-lease.  Give me a break.  How boring we are, how small-minded.  How typically unoriginal and boring.  Tantrums galore.  See me, see me look at me mommy.  Enough already!

Does anybody really go for all that self-promoted hype?  Does any of the scandalous, dirty, filthy, foul, lascivious, merciless, grandiose, negative, fatalistic, pessimistic bile that these MYOPIC people are spouting really ring true to anyone's heart, mind and common sensibilities?  Yeah well if you say that it does ring true, then all I have to say is that the Greeks had a word for that...bologney.  Liar liar pants on fire.  Hey you started it with your "let the spotlight be on only me no matter who I hurt or damage or what the consequences are" fit throwing contest to gain attention.  Egos are fun, aren't they?  Oh the joys of splashing about in the noisy wading pool of Freud's ID with all the other emotional infants and their peeps!

We're nothing more than a loud bunch of tree monkeys screeching up a raucous.  Oh, did Darwin just roll around in his grave?  Quick thought on that...show me the monkey that said...stop here!  I am finished evolving pal, I want to remain a monkey and only a monkey! ??  Uh huh, that's what I thought Cheetah lover.

I digress.  Back on topic.

Nothing they say or write about is uplifting to the soul, nourishing to the mind and heart, intriguing to the intellect, guiding in wisdom and direction, or makes you feel good about yourself or others, contributes anything worthwhile to the service and exhortation of others less fortunate, fills you with any sense of purpose or hope or fulfillment, gives you a feeling of hope or peace or joy...real long-lasting joy not just a cheap self-promoting, snide laugh.  It is like junk food to me.  Some of it tastes really good, it is cheap, readily available, and so easy to find and get your fingers around.  It will fill your belly too and give you a temporary "high" of satisfaction.  But...the loaded fat, salt and calories hurt your body, the preservatives and low grade food quality, freshness or nutritional value is so low that you will literally feel the negative effects, not immediately, but soon after ingesting.  Oh and think about the bonus of all those added love handles and fun excursions to the bathroom, yea! 

What person out there wouldn't always prefer a hot, tasty, healthy and nutritious meal if it were prepared for you too, by comparison?  Come on, you know I am talking about you!  Be honest with yourself and admit it.  The truth shall set you free....so free Willy, silly.

So, moral of the story is to say no to junk food blogs, mail, email, news, tv, movies, forums, music, art, education, polls, surveys, bulletins, text messages, FB statuses, tweets or most especially POPULAR OPINION.  Instead, scoot your boots up under the table that is spread wide with a bon a fide healthy feast!  Partake of it all that you want and share with others!  Become a gourmet chef of good stuff to feed the minds and souls of others as well as yourself.  I promise you that the scales of life will tip well in your favor!